The Most Important Lesson I have ever learned

The following blog is an excerpt from the 7th chapter of my book, One Disciple at a Time: How to Lead Others to Dynamic, Engaged, Life-Changing Faith. The book asks the question, “how do we make a single person into a lifelong disciple of Jesus Christ?” This article addresses the need to take up our cross and follow Him.

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting;

it has been found difficult and left untried.

- G.K. Chesterton

In Matthew’s gospel, Jesus says, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Mt 16:24). When it comes to discipleship, Jesus doesn’t paint a rosy picture. His message is clear: “Follow me, and all roads will one day lead you to the Cross.”

The most important lesson that I have learned in my life as a Christian is to embrace the Cross. When I was eighteen, I was dating a girl while simultaneously discerning the priesthood. I didn’t know which vocation I was called to, and being that I had only recently given my life to Christ, discernment of God’s will was a new concept for me. I was very much in love with my girlfriend, and both of us called each other to live lives of virtue and pursue holiness. Our relationship had been instrumental in my faith development, and I could see myself marrying her. Because I had a growing desire to pursue holiness, I became very attracted to a life of prayer and serving others in ministry. Naturally I began to consider whether I was called to the priesthood.

The Church teaches that everyone has a vocation. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” (CCC 2392). We all have a call to holiness. We also all have a purpose for our life. Discerning a vocation is different from discerning an apostolate. An apostolate is a ministry that you do to build up the Church. This is a calling, which isn’t the same as a vocation. A vocation is who you were created to be. Discerning a vocation is the process of discovering how God will fulfill the greatest desires of your heart. Your vocation also lays out your long-term road map to sanctity.

At this time in my life, I was wrestling with the discernment of my vocation. One evening while praying before the Blessed Sacrament, I made the decision to take the leap. I decided that it was time to break up with my girlfriend and apply to the seminary. I offered my decision to the Lord and told him, “If this isn’t your will, you have one hour to change my mind and you need to make it obvious.”

I gave Jesus an hour because I was attending an RCIA class that evening. I was someone’s sponsor for the Sacrament of Confirmation, and I was attending some of the classes with the candidate as a support. When I walked into the RCIA meeting, I didn’t know what the topic was for the evening. As it turned out, the topic was the Sacrament of Matrimony. Our campus minister, Bob, was teaching and he spent the entire sixty minutes simply giving witness to how his marriage had been sanctifying for him. He shared how he lived poverty, chastity, and obedience within his marriage. He talked about St. Paul’s call to husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25). He spoke about how loving as Christ loves has required him to consistently embrace the Cross and sacrifice for his wife and children. As Bob shared about his marriage, I realized what an amazing calling the vocation of marriage is. I realized that when marriage is done right, it strips a person of selfishness, requires a person to learn to forgive, and ultimately sanctifies the person.

God spoke to me through Bob’s witness. By the end of that sixty-minute meeting, every part of my heart was longing to be married. In actuality, I knew at that moment that I was called to marry my girlfriend, and she is now my wife of fifteen years. It was as if Christ showed me both paths and said to me, “Matrimony and Holy Orders are both good choices. You could be happy going either way. But there is one path that you were meant for. Along the path of matrimony, there is a heavier cross that was made just for you. If you pick up that cross and follow me, I will show you what it means to love.”

Learn more about discipleship focused youth ministry. Sign up on our email list and receive a FREE launch guide.